People-pleaser


When I introduce myself in a friendly social setting I tend to say I'm a recovering people-pleaser.

It's my icebreaker.

Bear with a little Saturday morning oversharing. I promise there's a point at the end.

Other than a mild teenage rebellion stage, for most of my life I did what was expected of me. From my childhood to the day I left the service, I generally toed the line; and to be honest, was greatly rewarded for it.

I lived to help others, even if it came at my expense.

I saw it as honorable. As noble.
Sacrifice for others = selfless and good.
Sacrifice for myself = selfish and bad.

And since I had done it since childhood, I didn't know or want to know any other way.

But since retiring from the military four years ago, I began doing deep self-reflection. With the guidance of great friends and mentors, I went from "we" to "me."

This post was inspired by Bruce Thompson,. He wrote an amazing post yesterday about how he lives his life and it resonated with me.

In his post he shared how he lives his life un-apologetically. He was comfortable knowing his personality might drive some to hate him, and others to love him. I'm in the love him camp.

Most recently I've found an incredibly freeing experience in living un-apologetically. The weight of the world has lifted off my shoulders. While my personality is always going to be kind (which I like), it doesn't meant I always have to be nice, for fear of not being liked.

That's why rather than following the traditional and more lucrative path of simply falling into doing the job I did in the military as a civilian, I chose to follow my heart.

Today, I help veterans in transition. I work as a radio host. I'm a successful youtuber. I more openly profess my religious faith. And I strive to be the best and most present husband and father I can be. Because it brings me joy and fulfillment.

I say yes when I mean yes, and no when I mean no. And sometimes "no" is a full sentence.

I challenge "socially approved" positions if I don't agree with them, and am not afraid to stand my ground for what I believe.

Is it always easy? No. My default is to be nice; to not rock the boat.

But I've chosen to "choose" how I live my life, and wow what a gift.

For those of you with the type of personality where being yourselves un-apologetically is your default, you have no idea how hard it is to not be like you.

If you are a people-pleaser, give yourself permission to put yourself first. Kind≠nice, although they often manifest as similar. The difference is one is by choice, the other is by instinct.

That's all the deep thinking I'm doing this Saturday. I'm off to get more coffee.

If you'd like to follow and support my passions, I'll include the links below. Go like, subscribe, follow, and sign up.

Sign up for the workshop that changed my thinking, the Changing Focus: Moving from We to Me at https://leadertransitioninstitute.org/changing-focus/

To listen to my radio show, Monday through Friday from 7-midnight, which has the best music of the 80s and 90s, go to this link and hit "listen now," or find us on iTunes by searching for Eagle Online Radio. https://eagleonlineradio.com/
 
If you want to enjoy the music, movies, and pop culture of the 70s-90s, my popular YT channel has it. Subscribe and enjoy the videos I post weekly. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/_sXHEcHoqJ4
 
Finally, if you're a person of the Catholic Christian faith, or someone interested in it, please subscribe to my brand new channel called Holy Devotion. I'm no pastor or priest, but I'm documenting my personal experience and inspiration.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/tIrsmMNfKPc  

 

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