Taking Chances
This past weekend I had the honor of attending a good friend's retirement from military service. As he shared his remarks about a career that spanned 27 years, he said something I wasn't expecting yet it resonated with me. Maybe because it just made so much damn sense, and hopefully because I have been doing it unconsciously all the while (or so I hope I have). He said "I've succeeded in this Army career because I was willing to fail".
Of course as soon as he said that, I grabbed a little coaster which was the closest thing to me, borrowed someone's pen, and wrote it down before I forgot it. As soon as I heard him say those words I was reminded of an old Michael Jordan commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45mMioJ5szc. Michael speaks about the many times he has failed over his career. He ends with "I have failed over and over and over in my life, and that is why I succeed."
Wow, talk about powerful stuff. In today's sterile, hypo-allergenic America how many of us take chances anymore? I know what you're saying "Jose, its the economy, I'm 40 years old, I'm afraid I'm going to get laid off, my stupid ideas or dreams from high school or college aren't really "doable", I'm safe where I am." Have you ever heard the phrase "nobody every looked up from their deathbed and said "boy I should have played it safer".
Friends, we have ONE go around in this thing called life. Whatever happened before we don't remember, and whatever happens when we're laid in the ground, nobody has come back and definitely told us about for certain. Regardless of what will be after our death, this is the only time we have available to us on this magnificent planet, which happens to be made at just the right size, of just the right materials, at just the right length from its star for us to exist. I mean we've won the galactic lottery people!
We have more access to success today than probably in the history of mankind. Yet we go about our day to day lives like mindless drones. We get up in the morning and rush the kids off to school and the husband/wife off to work. We go to work, sit. in our cubicle (when did you think you'd be doing that back in high school?), go through the motions, look at our watch a lot, rejoice when its time to go. We get off of work and begin our afternoon ritual of shuttling the kids from practice to practice to school event to the mall to whatever else. We have so much of it, most of the time we have to share the wealth with our significant other because there are just too many places to be with our kids. He's going one way, she's going the other. Finally they meet at some point back at home long after the sun has gone down, they share a cursory moment together before each of them retires to their own room to check email or read a book, or work on some work that could wait until tomorrow. But its better to stay busy because that means you don't actually have to "talk" to each other. Talking is so overrated. It always leads in a fight. She blames him for the lack of support, he blames her for destroying his plans, all done in front of the kids who are absorbing every bit of it whether you believe it or not and will someday be divorcees just like you because that is all they know how to do. Oh, then tomorrow you wake up and do it all again. All while driving to work in the morning and wishing things were different. Thinking if you continue down this road there must be a different route it takes, a different destination at some point. BUT you're safe. You make ok money, your kids have more than you ever did, you're "living" the American dream (if that dream is having all this stuff and probably owing on almost all of it). You work hard to send those kids to that private school because they are too good for public school. You work hard to have that big-ass house that none of you really live in because you're all out and about all day, but hey, you're keeping up with the Joneses and that is what matters.
Friends most of us live in a rat-race. Most of us live lives empty of "life" and are malcontent with it yet paralyzed to change it. Henry David Thoreau said "Most Men Lead Lives of Quiet Desperation". Isn't that absolutely true? Do you know why people are so hot-headed these days? Why they blow up at the slightest thing? Why husbands and wives don't miss an opportunity to bring out the big guns in any argument in an effort to not just win the argument but to truly "hurt" the person they supposedly love? We are living in desperation. We live lives which do not fulfill us.
The good news is, we don't have to continue to live those lives and we don't have to leave everyone behind to do so (Which is one of the big reasons men divorce women. Its not because the wife is getting old and the secretary is a hot 25 year old.) They want another "chance" at their supposed happiness and that 25 year old represents the freedom and lust for life they once felt. Having said that, most men quickly find the young hot secretary is far from the shangri-la they expected and ultimately find themselves alone and missing their original wife.
My dear friends, you can't find your youth or vigor in the arms of a 25 year old. Not for long at least. When the sex is all you have in common, you quickly find that is a worse void than what you had with the woman who loved and supported you all those years.
I submit that as you enjoy this Columbus Holiday Weekend, maybe you consider cutting back on the amount of extracurricular activities you and your family planned. I recommend maybe you guys spend some time together. Spend some time reminiscing with your significant other about some of the goals you had when you were younger and some which you would still like to accomplish. LISTEN to each other. Come up with some actionable steps you can start taking next week towards your goals and pledge to support each other. If that comes at the expense of pulling the kids from the 300 things you've got them going to after school, good heavens so what. Kids don't remember any of that crap. Most of it they do for you not for them and you only push them to do it because either someone pushed you to do it, or you were raised like me, in poverty and you think this is what you're supposed to do with your kids now that you're a little better off. You know what kids will remember? Your fighting. How separate you and your spouse are. The divorces. The hate. The poison you spew at each other when you're angry at each other. They also remember the times when you're together. When you're showing love to each other (even if they say it grosses them out). Those family vacations they swear they don't want to go on. One of you helping them with their homework. Telling them you love them more than they tell you. Those are the things they will remember and take with them into their adult lives and future relationships. They will also support and believe in you so much if they see you not giving up on a lifelong dream. If you always wanted to go back to college, do it. Don't wait till it's a good time, sign up first, then figure out how you're gonna fit it into your schedule. I promise you will. If another job, a particular hobby, a particular interest becons to you, go for it. DO IT. You will not regret taking chances. And if it doesn't work out, so what you gained from the experience. Your children will learn that taking chances is ok. No self-made millionaire or billionaire made their fortunes the "safe" way. They took chances others wouldn't and so they got results others can't. You are no different. You have all the tools available to you, but all this you're reading, these are just words. You can nod your head and be like "yeah that Jose boy, he sure is right, now let me get back to my life" and nothing will change. Or you can use these words to spur change, action, for without action, ideas are nothing but unaccomplished dreams.
I believe in you my friend, you just have to believe in yourself. DO IT! Don't wait.
jv
Of course as soon as he said that, I grabbed a little coaster which was the closest thing to me, borrowed someone's pen, and wrote it down before I forgot it. As soon as I heard him say those words I was reminded of an old Michael Jordan commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45mMioJ5szc. Michael speaks about the many times he has failed over his career. He ends with "I have failed over and over and over in my life, and that is why I succeed."
Wow, talk about powerful stuff. In today's sterile, hypo-allergenic America how many of us take chances anymore? I know what you're saying "Jose, its the economy, I'm 40 years old, I'm afraid I'm going to get laid off, my stupid ideas or dreams from high school or college aren't really "doable", I'm safe where I am." Have you ever heard the phrase "nobody every looked up from their deathbed and said "boy I should have played it safer".
Friends, we have ONE go around in this thing called life. Whatever happened before we don't remember, and whatever happens when we're laid in the ground, nobody has come back and definitely told us about for certain. Regardless of what will be after our death, this is the only time we have available to us on this magnificent planet, which happens to be made at just the right size, of just the right materials, at just the right length from its star for us to exist. I mean we've won the galactic lottery people!
We have more access to success today than probably in the history of mankind. Yet we go about our day to day lives like mindless drones. We get up in the morning and rush the kids off to school and the husband/wife off to work. We go to work, sit. in our cubicle (when did you think you'd be doing that back in high school?), go through the motions, look at our watch a lot, rejoice when its time to go. We get off of work and begin our afternoon ritual of shuttling the kids from practice to practice to school event to the mall to whatever else. We have so much of it, most of the time we have to share the wealth with our significant other because there are just too many places to be with our kids. He's going one way, she's going the other. Finally they meet at some point back at home long after the sun has gone down, they share a cursory moment together before each of them retires to their own room to check email or read a book, or work on some work that could wait until tomorrow. But its better to stay busy because that means you don't actually have to "talk" to each other. Talking is so overrated. It always leads in a fight. She blames him for the lack of support, he blames her for destroying his plans, all done in front of the kids who are absorbing every bit of it whether you believe it or not and will someday be divorcees just like you because that is all they know how to do. Oh, then tomorrow you wake up and do it all again. All while driving to work in the morning and wishing things were different. Thinking if you continue down this road there must be a different route it takes, a different destination at some point. BUT you're safe. You make ok money, your kids have more than you ever did, you're "living" the American dream (if that dream is having all this stuff and probably owing on almost all of it). You work hard to send those kids to that private school because they are too good for public school. You work hard to have that big-ass house that none of you really live in because you're all out and about all day, but hey, you're keeping up with the Joneses and that is what matters.
Friends most of us live in a rat-race. Most of us live lives empty of "life" and are malcontent with it yet paralyzed to change it. Henry David Thoreau said "Most Men Lead Lives of Quiet Desperation". Isn't that absolutely true? Do you know why people are so hot-headed these days? Why they blow up at the slightest thing? Why husbands and wives don't miss an opportunity to bring out the big guns in any argument in an effort to not just win the argument but to truly "hurt" the person they supposedly love? We are living in desperation. We live lives which do not fulfill us.
The good news is, we don't have to continue to live those lives and we don't have to leave everyone behind to do so (Which is one of the big reasons men divorce women. Its not because the wife is getting old and the secretary is a hot 25 year old.) They want another "chance" at their supposed happiness and that 25 year old represents the freedom and lust for life they once felt. Having said that, most men quickly find the young hot secretary is far from the shangri-la they expected and ultimately find themselves alone and missing their original wife.
My dear friends, you can't find your youth or vigor in the arms of a 25 year old. Not for long at least. When the sex is all you have in common, you quickly find that is a worse void than what you had with the woman who loved and supported you all those years.
I submit that as you enjoy this Columbus Holiday Weekend, maybe you consider cutting back on the amount of extracurricular activities you and your family planned. I recommend maybe you guys spend some time together. Spend some time reminiscing with your significant other about some of the goals you had when you were younger and some which you would still like to accomplish. LISTEN to each other. Come up with some actionable steps you can start taking next week towards your goals and pledge to support each other. If that comes at the expense of pulling the kids from the 300 things you've got them going to after school, good heavens so what. Kids don't remember any of that crap. Most of it they do for you not for them and you only push them to do it because either someone pushed you to do it, or you were raised like me, in poverty and you think this is what you're supposed to do with your kids now that you're a little better off. You know what kids will remember? Your fighting. How separate you and your spouse are. The divorces. The hate. The poison you spew at each other when you're angry at each other. They also remember the times when you're together. When you're showing love to each other (even if they say it grosses them out). Those family vacations they swear they don't want to go on. One of you helping them with their homework. Telling them you love them more than they tell you. Those are the things they will remember and take with them into their adult lives and future relationships. They will also support and believe in you so much if they see you not giving up on a lifelong dream. If you always wanted to go back to college, do it. Don't wait till it's a good time, sign up first, then figure out how you're gonna fit it into your schedule. I promise you will. If another job, a particular hobby, a particular interest becons to you, go for it. DO IT. You will not regret taking chances. And if it doesn't work out, so what you gained from the experience. Your children will learn that taking chances is ok. No self-made millionaire or billionaire made their fortunes the "safe" way. They took chances others wouldn't and so they got results others can't. You are no different. You have all the tools available to you, but all this you're reading, these are just words. You can nod your head and be like "yeah that Jose boy, he sure is right, now let me get back to my life" and nothing will change. Or you can use these words to spur change, action, for without action, ideas are nothing but unaccomplished dreams.
I believe in you my friend, you just have to believe in yourself. DO IT! Don't wait.
jv
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