Friends?
I was talking to a coworker the other day about friendship. Friendship is one of those things that is very personal and unique to each of us and to try to define it fully would take far more than the abilities of Mr. Webster or the Encyclopedia Britannica. Friendship is one of those intangibles; something we feel, something we know is there, but something we cannot touch or ever fully define. At least not as a society.
What interests me is what friendship means to individuals because that can be as varied as the pages of the dictionary.
In my life in the Army, I have pretty much moved every two to three years since I was 19 years old. Every new location comes with a new organization and new people to interact with. Every move comes with a new set of living conditions and a whole new group of people surrounding us socially. I'll be honest, I am a very friendly person, but I have very few true friends. I have many acquaintances, but few true friends. I guess to me, and please know this is just how I see things from my perspective, friendship should be something that lasts. Friendship should be something that doesn't have an expiration date.
So many of my "friends" are really only friends because we're all in this together right now. As soon as we leave or they leave, that's pretty much it. They forget about you and move on to the next guy that moves into what was once your house. That kind of friendship does nothing for me.
I think for me, quality friendship comes from some of the lessons and/ or traditions of growing up in an old-world latin family. It was large as most are, I had lots of uncles and aunts and cousins. And even if we rarely saw each other, they always had my back. That is what family did. That is what family is supposed to do.
These days in the "me" generation we live in, it seems like friendships are temporary relationships of convenience. I have something you need to be successful, you have something I need, let's be "friends" until we both get what we want, then I'll be happy to turn around and stab you in the back when you stop being a value-add and start being my competition.
I have been blessed over the years, and even more since the invention of social media sites like facebook and twitter, to find and rekindle great friendships of the past. Some of them had gone silent over the years but I attribute that to life before the internet; once you moved and a friend moved, unless you were both just lucky, you might lose contact and really not too long ago, that was that. All you'd have were the memories of yesteryear with little chance of ever interacting again.
Today, I have been lucky enough to reach back thru this little time machine that is facebook and touch friends and old family from my very childhood forward. I've really enjoyed growing those friendships that meant so much to me once and mean something to me again but I will tell you, I am still just as selective. I have a lot of people on my "friends list", but only communicate with and consider true friends, sprinkles of them from each era of my life. Those people who want to raise me up are welcome. Those who know me well enough to know when I need a pick-me-up or a good kick-to-the-ass. Those who know me for me, not the facade I put on everyday as I walk out to the door on my way to work. Those who don't give up on me. Those are my friends. The rest, acquaintances, people I know, people I am friendly with. All with potential to become my friends but friendship is a two way street.
Ultimately, for me friendship is about loyalty. Loyalty is a big thing for me. If only one of us is loyal in a friendship then one of us, is a fool. And I dare say, most everyone reading this has at one point or another dedicated themselves and given their loyalty to a "friend" who made them out to be a fool. Hopefully we've learned from those experiences. Its all we can do.
Friendship is an amazing human relationship that very few animals share on earth, especially one that is consciously decided upon versus instinct which is how it works with most animals.
We ultimately have to believe in friendship if we are to live our most fulfilling life. But before you list out all the things you expect of a friend, make sure you are willing to give those things in return. For friendship truly is a two way street.
To my old friends from back in the day, thank you for loving me when I had big hair and bad fashion. When I was far more cocky than I had a right to be, and when I was far less smart than I gave myself credit for. To my Army buddies, I have stood on many of your heroic shoulders as you pointed me in the right direction, even though there might have been times when you wondered if I was worthy of following in your footsteps. To all the family I have found online over the last few years, I love you all, family is family and your support means the world to me. Finally to all the new friends I've made and the friendships I've recently rekindled from across the spectrum of my life, thank you for making this grumpy ole dude feel like there are still good people in the world and that I am deserving of your friendship and love.
I wish you lasting friendships, more love than you know what to do with, and the space in your heart to always accommodate more. :)
What interests me is what friendship means to individuals because that can be as varied as the pages of the dictionary.
In my life in the Army, I have pretty much moved every two to three years since I was 19 years old. Every new location comes with a new organization and new people to interact with. Every move comes with a new set of living conditions and a whole new group of people surrounding us socially. I'll be honest, I am a very friendly person, but I have very few true friends. I have many acquaintances, but few true friends. I guess to me, and please know this is just how I see things from my perspective, friendship should be something that lasts. Friendship should be something that doesn't have an expiration date.
So many of my "friends" are really only friends because we're all in this together right now. As soon as we leave or they leave, that's pretty much it. They forget about you and move on to the next guy that moves into what was once your house. That kind of friendship does nothing for me.
I think for me, quality friendship comes from some of the lessons and/ or traditions of growing up in an old-world latin family. It was large as most are, I had lots of uncles and aunts and cousins. And even if we rarely saw each other, they always had my back. That is what family did. That is what family is supposed to do.
These days in the "me" generation we live in, it seems like friendships are temporary relationships of convenience. I have something you need to be successful, you have something I need, let's be "friends" until we both get what we want, then I'll be happy to turn around and stab you in the back when you stop being a value-add and start being my competition.
I have been blessed over the years, and even more since the invention of social media sites like facebook and twitter, to find and rekindle great friendships of the past. Some of them had gone silent over the years but I attribute that to life before the internet; once you moved and a friend moved, unless you were both just lucky, you might lose contact and really not too long ago, that was that. All you'd have were the memories of yesteryear with little chance of ever interacting again.
Today, I have been lucky enough to reach back thru this little time machine that is facebook and touch friends and old family from my very childhood forward. I've really enjoyed growing those friendships that meant so much to me once and mean something to me again but I will tell you, I am still just as selective. I have a lot of people on my "friends list", but only communicate with and consider true friends, sprinkles of them from each era of my life. Those people who want to raise me up are welcome. Those who know me well enough to know when I need a pick-me-up or a good kick-to-the-ass. Those who know me for me, not the facade I put on everyday as I walk out to the door on my way to work. Those who don't give up on me. Those are my friends. The rest, acquaintances, people I know, people I am friendly with. All with potential to become my friends but friendship is a two way street.
Ultimately, for me friendship is about loyalty. Loyalty is a big thing for me. If only one of us is loyal in a friendship then one of us, is a fool. And I dare say, most everyone reading this has at one point or another dedicated themselves and given their loyalty to a "friend" who made them out to be a fool. Hopefully we've learned from those experiences. Its all we can do.
Friendship is an amazing human relationship that very few animals share on earth, especially one that is consciously decided upon versus instinct which is how it works with most animals.
We ultimately have to believe in friendship if we are to live our most fulfilling life. But before you list out all the things you expect of a friend, make sure you are willing to give those things in return. For friendship truly is a two way street.
To my old friends from back in the day, thank you for loving me when I had big hair and bad fashion. When I was far more cocky than I had a right to be, and when I was far less smart than I gave myself credit for. To my Army buddies, I have stood on many of your heroic shoulders as you pointed me in the right direction, even though there might have been times when you wondered if I was worthy of following in your footsteps. To all the family I have found online over the last few years, I love you all, family is family and your support means the world to me. Finally to all the new friends I've made and the friendships I've recently rekindled from across the spectrum of my life, thank you for making this grumpy ole dude feel like there are still good people in the world and that I am deserving of your friendship and love.
I wish you lasting friendships, more love than you know what to do with, and the space in your heart to always accommodate more. :)
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