Before They're Gone
This week a few of my good friends lost family members and good friends of their own. For one it was the expected end result of a long fight with an insidiously terrible disease, for another it was the shock of learning a close friend's life had been cut short by an unexpected accident, and for the third inconceivable news of a friend ending their life.
In times like this it is always hard as a friend to have the right words to say and sometimes the only thing one can do is let those who are left behind to miss these people know that you are there for them. There really are no words to lighten their load or alleviate their pain. Only one force in our universe can do that, time.
The losses got me to think about those whom I have lost over the years. Good friends, loving family, heck even beloved pets.
It also got me to thinking about the angry, spiteful world we live in and how so many of us let stupid emotions or even worse, pride get in the way of telling those we love just how much they mean to us before it's too late.
Friends, we do not know the day of our demise. We know it will inevitably come, as death is as much a part of life as birth. It is the way the world refreshes itself, makes space for new generations, and continues the cycle of life. Everyone you love, everyone you care about will someday pass. Some before you, some after. All you really have assured is the right here, right now.
My buddy who lost his friend to suicide tells me when he saw his friend at the funeral, his body seemed like a shell. He felt in his heart his friend was no longer in there. I personally believe his life essence had become infinitely intertwined with the cosmos, never to die again.
I'll tell you nothing is more painful than to look down on what is left of a man or woman and wish you had said the things in your heart but didn't. Life is a one-way street. What you don't say today goes unsaid forever.
I see so many people with bitterness; ice-water in their veins. I have fb friends who post message after message about how they hate this person, or that person is going to get it or how that one person will pay. HOLY CRAP people, stop with the hate already. Stop with the family squabbles which lead an all-too-proud father or mother and their adult son or daughter not speaking for years because of some stupid disagreement which happened in the distant past. Do you know how ridiculous that is? Stop with trying to take vengeance on every single person who does you ill, because half the time, you were part of the problem in the relationship, not part of the solution, so stop actively looking to hurt people.
Finally, don't miss this moment. I know some of the people who read this have family and/or friends or former family/friends whom they have grown apart from. Maybe even people who have hurt you. Others who are too proud to admit they're wrong. Friends, you can sit there and leave that void open another day if you so desire, but I can guarantee you one thing, if (and God forbid nothing ever happens) something happens to one of those people, you will always wish you had forgiven them, made peace with them, and in some cases, been the bigger person and told them you love them.
My mom was far from perfect. A single mom back when single moms weren't the norm. Tirelessly working two shifts in a crappy factory making minimum wage. She was a tough mother, hard to get close to with only one thing on her mind, to give me an opportunity to escape the bonds of the poverty and hopelessness I grew up in. For years I was angry at her for not being more emotionally close to me. For years I blamed her for some of my emotional distancing issues as an adult. Luckily, someone reminded me, almost with miraculous timing, how important it was to forgive, make peace with, and tell those we love, we love them. I did. Not long after, my mom was diagnosed with an incurable disease and within 8 months was gone. I had 8 months of I love yous. 8 months of I'm sorrys. 8 months of thank yous. And it all started with a phonecall and an I love you.
I was one of the lucky ones. Today is as good a day as there ever will be to call those you love, both close and those who've distanced themselves from you or vice versa and tell them you love them and you care.
If there has ever been one piece of advice I would consider most significant in the entire time I have written this blog, I believe it is that.
I hope you'll do more than shake your head and say "yeah, I gotta get around to doing that". You might be too late.
In times like this it is always hard as a friend to have the right words to say and sometimes the only thing one can do is let those who are left behind to miss these people know that you are there for them. There really are no words to lighten their load or alleviate their pain. Only one force in our universe can do that, time.
The losses got me to think about those whom I have lost over the years. Good friends, loving family, heck even beloved pets.
It also got me to thinking about the angry, spiteful world we live in and how so many of us let stupid emotions or even worse, pride get in the way of telling those we love just how much they mean to us before it's too late.
Friends, we do not know the day of our demise. We know it will inevitably come, as death is as much a part of life as birth. It is the way the world refreshes itself, makes space for new generations, and continues the cycle of life. Everyone you love, everyone you care about will someday pass. Some before you, some after. All you really have assured is the right here, right now.
My buddy who lost his friend to suicide tells me when he saw his friend at the funeral, his body seemed like a shell. He felt in his heart his friend was no longer in there. I personally believe his life essence had become infinitely intertwined with the cosmos, never to die again.
I'll tell you nothing is more painful than to look down on what is left of a man or woman and wish you had said the things in your heart but didn't. Life is a one-way street. What you don't say today goes unsaid forever.
I see so many people with bitterness; ice-water in their veins. I have fb friends who post message after message about how they hate this person, or that person is going to get it or how that one person will pay. HOLY CRAP people, stop with the hate already. Stop with the family squabbles which lead an all-too-proud father or mother and their adult son or daughter not speaking for years because of some stupid disagreement which happened in the distant past. Do you know how ridiculous that is? Stop with trying to take vengeance on every single person who does you ill, because half the time, you were part of the problem in the relationship, not part of the solution, so stop actively looking to hurt people.
Finally, don't miss this moment. I know some of the people who read this have family and/or friends or former family/friends whom they have grown apart from. Maybe even people who have hurt you. Others who are too proud to admit they're wrong. Friends, you can sit there and leave that void open another day if you so desire, but I can guarantee you one thing, if (and God forbid nothing ever happens) something happens to one of those people, you will always wish you had forgiven them, made peace with them, and in some cases, been the bigger person and told them you love them.
My mom was far from perfect. A single mom back when single moms weren't the norm. Tirelessly working two shifts in a crappy factory making minimum wage. She was a tough mother, hard to get close to with only one thing on her mind, to give me an opportunity to escape the bonds of the poverty and hopelessness I grew up in. For years I was angry at her for not being more emotionally close to me. For years I blamed her for some of my emotional distancing issues as an adult. Luckily, someone reminded me, almost with miraculous timing, how important it was to forgive, make peace with, and tell those we love, we love them. I did. Not long after, my mom was diagnosed with an incurable disease and within 8 months was gone. I had 8 months of I love yous. 8 months of I'm sorrys. 8 months of thank yous. And it all started with a phonecall and an I love you.
I was one of the lucky ones. Today is as good a day as there ever will be to call those you love, both close and those who've distanced themselves from you or vice versa and tell them you love them and you care.
If there has ever been one piece of advice I would consider most significant in the entire time I have written this blog, I believe it is that.
I hope you'll do more than shake your head and say "yeah, I gotta get around to doing that". You might be too late.
Good stuff my friend, very good, "I'll tell you nothing is more painful than to look down on what is left of a man or woman and wish you had said the things in your heart but didn't. Life is a one-way street. What you don't say today goes unsaid forever."... now thats so true and deep.
ReplyDeleteMonty