The Case For Marriage

Almost 50% of all marriages in America end in divorce; an even higher percentage if you consider how many end in permanent separations. Some whom for whatever their agendas are, have linked marriage solely to religious traditions, have decided for their own intellectual superiority that marriage is a waste. These days it is almost like people ridicule marriage as some archaic religious tradition which needs to go the way of the do do bird. If that is the case, then I guess I need to go the way of the do do bird too.
I think marriage has been given a bad rap as humanity tries to endear itself to its modern "emotional" alertness. For hundreds if not thousands of years, marriage was really a civil need, to tide men and women together, for the greater group of the family unit, for the strengthening of the village most of us lived in. We had children, we stayed together, and believe me, I have no illusions we didn't always stay together for the sacred emotion of love, but we had stability, predictability, and hopefully loyal partnership.
When people got married, they got married with the intent on staying married, not with the intent of splitting up the moment either party was no longer "happy". I'm a HUGE believer in happiness btw, heck half my posts are about how to be more happy. Having said that, happiness is a time-limited emotion. In other words, we can be happy now, not be happy later, then be happy again after that. Happiness is a roving emotion which we, especially in America, have made into the be-all, end-all emotion which must guide our every moment.
I am here, maybe all on my own, to say I disagree. Marriage is a commitment. It is a commitment between two people, man and woman, man and man, woman and woman, I don't care, but it is a commitment between two people who love each other. The vows don't say you'll stay together just in happiness do they? Yet, we in our "right now" society have deemed the moment something tough happens in a marriage, then woah, we better get divorced, "cause I need to be happy."
Now look, I'm not demeaning happiness. If you are in a failed marriage, an abusive marriage, a marriage where there is no chance for happiness ever again, I totally understand. Nobody deserves to be miserable forever. What I do take issue with is people who just give up on marriage for the thrill of the right now. Look, nobody lives a marriage where everyday is perfect. Nobody stays in the honeymoon stage forever. Yet the loyalty and commitment of couples who ride through the rough spots, who find ways to support their other halves, who don't immediately run to the divorce lawyers, that inspires me. It inspires me because I'm human. I've had my ups and downs in my marriage. I've actually more times than not been the source of the unhappiness in my marriage by the choices I've made, the things I've done. Yet I have a spouse who despite my flaws, despite my misgivings, despite my failures, stands by me. She supports me. She champions me. She makes me better than I could be by myself. Together, we have provided our sons an example of what a marriage should be. We are the stability in their turbulent young worlds as they figure out who they are and I am confident, regardless of the partners they choose to marry someday, our example will be the one they strive to imitate.
I think of so many of my divorced friends whom I love so much and I know that even those who have been hurt by abuse; physical or emotional, by infidelity, by other horrible situations, most of them still value marriage, and courageously, still hope for a fulfilling marriage someday to Mr. or Mrs. Right.
I think of so many couples who support each other in good and bad like my friends Terry and Pam, Kathy and Sam, Claudia and Ray, my cousin Carmen and Angel, my high school friend Diane and her life partner Wren, I mean sooo many of my friends from across the spectrum of my life. I know their marriages/unions aren't perfect. I know there are moments when they look at each other and want to punch each other in the head. lol. Not that I've ever thought that, but I can probably guarantee my spouse has. I think of those little old couples who have been married for 40 or 50 years still holding hands and I dream of being one of them. Friends come and go. Family is family but some are closer than others. People exist in our lives for moments and others for seasons. Yet for those lucky enough to spend a lifetime with someone, I'm sorry, I still find that the most romantic and fulfilling thing in the world, and an amazing reason for living and existing, and feeling, as we humans are lucky enough to do.
I plead my case for marriage. It might not come around the first time, it might not come around the second time, but whenever that special someone comes into our lives, the one willing to love us, warts and all, the one to love us in happiness and in the dry spells in between, I submit it is worth it, and worth our humanity. I submit, if human life isn't worth our momentary stints with pleasure, then what is the point at all? I know marriage isn't a possibility for all of us. Some will never find the right one, some will have silly societal rules to keep them from it, but I believe in marriage and I hope you do as well :).