Don't Let YOU get in your way
Over the years I have had the opportunity to meet thousands upon thousands of people in my travels and here at home. I've had the chance to make some amazing friends along the way and I've been able to observe some of them make great strides in their lives while others fail miserably (I have personally experienced both ends of that spectrum). There are many factors in success or failure of course but in my opinion the most significant variable is you.
I believe we all have a base, a default setting. That base is very powerful and is a combination of our genetics (what we picked up from mom and dad) and our experiences. It is that state which you always find yourself defaulting to.
For me it is a lazy procrastinator who views the world just a little bit on the pessimist side. My base individual is one who is constantly in fear of failure and of ending up where I started. Why do I feel this way? Well I don't know exactly but I know growing up in a very poor environment where hope was a commodity is a factor. Coming from a long line of poverty stricken family was a factor. Failure was probably the only guarantee in the world I grew up in and while I haven't lived in that world for half my life, it is where I was grew up and where this "base" of mine was created.
Over the years I have learned from some incredible people in my life to strive for optimism, to be proactive, to choose happiness over sadness, to create success versus failure. I am nothing like I was back when I was growing up. Yet, catch me on one of "those" days when it seems nothing goes right and believe me, I go back to the old me in a heartbeat. Well at least internally. I'm a good actor. Having said that, the old me, the me I am at my base, is always there and will always be there.
So how does one overcome negative defaults? What works for me is recognizing exactly what my defaults are, noting when they are rearing their ugly heads above my positive learned traits, and forcing them back down. At the end of the day, if you can do that, those positive traits which allow you to succeed and to be happy will win out.
There is no way to "change" who you are at your base. We are who we are and we're made of the stuff we're made of. I firmly believe all those self-help gurus who will be more than happy to sell you their CDs or DVDs telling you how to rid yourself of your base are liars and snake-oil salespeople. What we can do is control our defaults from taking over and sabotaging our lives.
In almost every single personal failure of my life, I can almost directly point to moments where I defaulted back to all those old ugly habits and personality traits which were detrimental to success. I'll be honest, my base is where I am most comfortable because it doesn't require any "work". Having said that I have friends who use the excuse of "well that's the way I am, take it or leave it". You know what? I'll leave it. Because if you can't see your defaults are hurting you and others and you won't take advice because you don't want to "sell out" or whatever other excuses you have for not creating a better you, then have at it, be miserable.
Luckily most of us are really trying to be the best "us" we can be. Most of us get knocked down by life and get back on our feet to try again. I think if I can leave you with anything to help you in your journey it is to simply know your "self". Knowing when the "uglies" starts bubbling up is important so you are able to push them back down. It is easier said than done I know, but it is doable.
You owe it to yourself to be the best you, you can be. You owe it to those you love. The "best" you is a life-long learner who changes and grows with experience. Don't let that default "you" determine your life. You don't have to.
If you are one of the two people on earth whose default is a happy, positive, wonderful, proactive person, then please disregard my comments. If you are one of the other 8 billion people on earth like me, I hope you get something out of this. As always, I believe in you but ultimately you have to believe in yourself.
I believe we all have a base, a default setting. That base is very powerful and is a combination of our genetics (what we picked up from mom and dad) and our experiences. It is that state which you always find yourself defaulting to.
For me it is a lazy procrastinator who views the world just a little bit on the pessimist side. My base individual is one who is constantly in fear of failure and of ending up where I started. Why do I feel this way? Well I don't know exactly but I know growing up in a very poor environment where hope was a commodity is a factor. Coming from a long line of poverty stricken family was a factor. Failure was probably the only guarantee in the world I grew up in and while I haven't lived in that world for half my life, it is where I was grew up and where this "base" of mine was created.
Over the years I have learned from some incredible people in my life to strive for optimism, to be proactive, to choose happiness over sadness, to create success versus failure. I am nothing like I was back when I was growing up. Yet, catch me on one of "those" days when it seems nothing goes right and believe me, I go back to the old me in a heartbeat. Well at least internally. I'm a good actor. Having said that, the old me, the me I am at my base, is always there and will always be there.
So how does one overcome negative defaults? What works for me is recognizing exactly what my defaults are, noting when they are rearing their ugly heads above my positive learned traits, and forcing them back down. At the end of the day, if you can do that, those positive traits which allow you to succeed and to be happy will win out.
There is no way to "change" who you are at your base. We are who we are and we're made of the stuff we're made of. I firmly believe all those self-help gurus who will be more than happy to sell you their CDs or DVDs telling you how to rid yourself of your base are liars and snake-oil salespeople. What we can do is control our defaults from taking over and sabotaging our lives.
In almost every single personal failure of my life, I can almost directly point to moments where I defaulted back to all those old ugly habits and personality traits which were detrimental to success. I'll be honest, my base is where I am most comfortable because it doesn't require any "work". Having said that I have friends who use the excuse of "well that's the way I am, take it or leave it". You know what? I'll leave it. Because if you can't see your defaults are hurting you and others and you won't take advice because you don't want to "sell out" or whatever other excuses you have for not creating a better you, then have at it, be miserable.
Luckily most of us are really trying to be the best "us" we can be. Most of us get knocked down by life and get back on our feet to try again. I think if I can leave you with anything to help you in your journey it is to simply know your "self". Knowing when the "uglies" starts bubbling up is important so you are able to push them back down. It is easier said than done I know, but it is doable.
You owe it to yourself to be the best you, you can be. You owe it to those you love. The "best" you is a life-long learner who changes and grows with experience. Don't let that default "you" determine your life. You don't have to.
If you are one of the two people on earth whose default is a happy, positive, wonderful, proactive person, then please disregard my comments. If you are one of the other 8 billion people on earth like me, I hope you get something out of this. As always, I believe in you but ultimately you have to believe in yourself.
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