Kids Need You To Be Their Parent, Not Their Friend
In this era of coddling youngsters, of buying them everything they want, of not daring to raise your hand to discipline them, of 2-year olds knowing exactly how to get their way with dear old mom and dad by throwing a hissy-fit at Walmart to get that toy they want, I am probably somewhat of a relic. I'm more of an "old-school" parent. I can't tell you my way of parenting is better or worse than anyone else but I can tell you it is the only way I would want to parent.
A recent article in the Associated Press noted that for the first time in history, moms (the story was about mother/daughter relationships) spent more time trying to "be" like their daughters than the other way around. Really? Are you kidding me? Come on! There is a particular dynamic to parenting and trying to look like your 16 year old daughter and wear what she wears and listen to what she listens to when you're 45 so her friends will like you is darn-right ridiculous and shameful.
Good parents teach their children right from wrong, they give them limits and rules, and they hold their children accountable. I'm not saying you need to beat your kids and I'm definitely not saying you need to punish them with torture, but I am saying children need parents to act like parents, and not like buddies.
Having a great relationship with a child, especially as they grow into their teenage years is incredible and so rewarding. My two sons are the light of my life and I enjoy great conversations with them, I enjoy watching tv shows, playing sports, and just laughing with them. I consider us friends and hopefully they do as well. But there is no question, no ambiguity as to who the parent is and who the child is. My children respect me and if they cross the line I very quickly put them in their place.
To be honest, and not intending to sound egotistical, but I expect my sons to want to be like me when they grow up. Not necessarily follow my career choices as I support them in their own dreams and could care less whether they follow dear old dad's career path. But I would hope my sons want to follow my example. I hope they want to have the same strong, loving marriage they have observed their mother and I have. I would hope that they paid attention to the example I tried to set, always trying to be a good, decent man. And I hope they learned it is ok to make mistakes and fail as long as you get back up and try again. They've seen me fail many, many times.
I expect to be a role model in their lives and hopefully the most important one. Not because I am that amazing (because anyone who knows me knows I am FAR from amazing), but because I take my job as a father very seriously. I don't delegate the responsibility of role model to any other man on earth because it is my responsibility.
Mostly though, I take the responsibility of being my sons' father as my most important task in life. Giving them a solid foundation is something I have been conscious of from the moment they were born and will last long past when they leave the nest.
The new school year is beginning and has begun for some already. Friends, if you have children and spend more time trying to "buy" their friendship than demand their respect you aren't doing anyone any favors. Please, love your kids with all your heart, but set those limits, demand the respect you deserve, give them boundaries and responsibilities, allow them the space to grow but set the rules and most importantly, enforce them.
Finally please, please, please be involved in your childrens' lives and education. We all know kids don't always tell us everything that is going on (just like we didn't tell our parents). Be involved, and don't "ask" to be involved, you don't have to, you're the parent. If you're involved you have the best chance to notice personality changes which might be signs of serious issues like bullying, depression, drug or alcohol abuse or other destructive behaviors.
I know it isn't easy in this era where both mom and dad work and the kids don't have the kind of time around us maybe we had with our parents. But it is YOUR responsibility to raise your children, not the school, not the day care center, not the boys or girls club down the street. If it means sacrificing other areas of your life, in my opinion, so be it, because nothing should come before your children, not happy hour with the office staff, not girls' or boys' night out, not the bowling leage, none of it.
This is going to be a great school year my friends. Be supportive, be involved, be your kids' parent. You've got the rest of your and your children's adult lives to be their friends.
A recent article in the Associated Press noted that for the first time in history, moms (the story was about mother/daughter relationships) spent more time trying to "be" like their daughters than the other way around. Really? Are you kidding me? Come on! There is a particular dynamic to parenting and trying to look like your 16 year old daughter and wear what she wears and listen to what she listens to when you're 45 so her friends will like you is darn-right ridiculous and shameful.
Good parents teach their children right from wrong, they give them limits and rules, and they hold their children accountable. I'm not saying you need to beat your kids and I'm definitely not saying you need to punish them with torture, but I am saying children need parents to act like parents, and not like buddies.
Having a great relationship with a child, especially as they grow into their teenage years is incredible and so rewarding. My two sons are the light of my life and I enjoy great conversations with them, I enjoy watching tv shows, playing sports, and just laughing with them. I consider us friends and hopefully they do as well. But there is no question, no ambiguity as to who the parent is and who the child is. My children respect me and if they cross the line I very quickly put them in their place.
To be honest, and not intending to sound egotistical, but I expect my sons to want to be like me when they grow up. Not necessarily follow my career choices as I support them in their own dreams and could care less whether they follow dear old dad's career path. But I would hope my sons want to follow my example. I hope they want to have the same strong, loving marriage they have observed their mother and I have. I would hope that they paid attention to the example I tried to set, always trying to be a good, decent man. And I hope they learned it is ok to make mistakes and fail as long as you get back up and try again. They've seen me fail many, many times.
I expect to be a role model in their lives and hopefully the most important one. Not because I am that amazing (because anyone who knows me knows I am FAR from amazing), but because I take my job as a father very seriously. I don't delegate the responsibility of role model to any other man on earth because it is my responsibility.
Mostly though, I take the responsibility of being my sons' father as my most important task in life. Giving them a solid foundation is something I have been conscious of from the moment they were born and will last long past when they leave the nest.
The new school year is beginning and has begun for some already. Friends, if you have children and spend more time trying to "buy" their friendship than demand their respect you aren't doing anyone any favors. Please, love your kids with all your heart, but set those limits, demand the respect you deserve, give them boundaries and responsibilities, allow them the space to grow but set the rules and most importantly, enforce them.
Finally please, please, please be involved in your childrens' lives and education. We all know kids don't always tell us everything that is going on (just like we didn't tell our parents). Be involved, and don't "ask" to be involved, you don't have to, you're the parent. If you're involved you have the best chance to notice personality changes which might be signs of serious issues like bullying, depression, drug or alcohol abuse or other destructive behaviors.
I know it isn't easy in this era where both mom and dad work and the kids don't have the kind of time around us maybe we had with our parents. But it is YOUR responsibility to raise your children, not the school, not the day care center, not the boys or girls club down the street. If it means sacrificing other areas of your life, in my opinion, so be it, because nothing should come before your children, not happy hour with the office staff, not girls' or boys' night out, not the bowling leage, none of it.
This is going to be a great school year my friends. Be supportive, be involved, be your kids' parent. You've got the rest of your and your children's adult lives to be their friends.
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