Maybe It Is Your Own Damn Fault
I have a friend who is always wondering "why" this happened or "why" that happened to him. He lives in this constant emotional state where he feels like everyone and everything is out to get him. He wonders why bad things happen to him all the time. Of all my friends; the funny one, the successful guy, the one who has the seemingly perfect life, he is the "victim".
Recently he asked me why I thought something or other happened to him and I said (rather callously I'm embarrassed to say) "did you ever think that maybe it is your own damn fault?" I'll be honest, I felt bad saying it. I'm usually the guy everyone comes to talk to. I'm usually the guy who will sit there and listen and try to share words of encouragement. Usually because most people who come to you with problems don't actually want you to fix them. They just need an unjudging ear to bend to let out their frustrations. So I try to be that person.
Having said that, on the day in question, I lost it with this guy. It is so hard for me to deal with people who make themselves victims. Maybe because I've been all over the world and seen some of the worst conditions any human being could live in. Maybe because I've seen "actual" victims. People who don't have a voice or the strength to stand up and be more than a victim.
In this great nation of ours, where even today anyone with the right mix of education, experience, hard work, and an unshakable goal can literally become anything they want, we see this growing population of self-proclaimed victims. People who blame circumstance for their lot in life.
Circumstance is simply a situation you find yourself in. More times than not, it is neither good nor bad, it is what it is; simply a situation. We can't always control our circumstance but what we can do every single time is control how we react to it.
How is it a Thomas Edison went through 10,000 materials trying to figure out how to create the filament inside a lightbulb and still had the strength and courage to say to someone "I didn't fail 10,000 times, I figured out 10,000 things that don't work as filaments for a lightbulb" while someone else has one tough situation or failure and sits around crying "why me?" Other than because they're a big baby, it is my belief they revel in pity because it brings them the attention they can't find in a normal and healthy way.
Low self-esteem is at an all-time high in this country. We are the most medicated country on the planet. We take a drug or pay 5 dollars for a coffee (which is ridiculous and shameful) to give us energy during the day. We have a tough day and go home and take a pill to calm our nerves or we take to the bottle to help us "relax". We can't sleep so we take another pill. We take pills for everything or we find unhealthy alternatives like excess food or alcohol or drugs. We take all these things to numb ourselves to the reality of being "us". No wonder we're so damn depressed (don't fear though, you'll find 100 different types of anti-depressants pharmaceutical companies will be happy to sell you to help you with that too).
When did we become so afraid to be ourselves? When did we find ourselves craving attention as a victim? I don't know when it happened but I know we need to snap the heck out of it. This country of ours is going through tough circumstances and it needs each of us to act like the adult we are; to contribute as an adult by being the very best "us" we can be. More importantly, YOU need yourself to act like the adult you are and be the very best you can be because this one thing I know for sure; life is short and there are no do-overs.
My friends life gives of you what you ask of it. If you ask to be treated as a victim, you'll be a victim. If you choose to be treated like a victor, you will be treated like a victor. It is all within your grasp and ultimately you must decide who you are going to be.
I leave you with this short poem written by famed student of success and author, Napoleon Hill:
I worked for a menial’s hire, only to learn, dismayed,
That any wage I had asked of Life, Life would have willingly paid.
Recently he asked me why I thought something or other happened to him and I said (rather callously I'm embarrassed to say) "did you ever think that maybe it is your own damn fault?" I'll be honest, I felt bad saying it. I'm usually the guy everyone comes to talk to. I'm usually the guy who will sit there and listen and try to share words of encouragement. Usually because most people who come to you with problems don't actually want you to fix them. They just need an unjudging ear to bend to let out their frustrations. So I try to be that person.
Having said that, on the day in question, I lost it with this guy. It is so hard for me to deal with people who make themselves victims. Maybe because I've been all over the world and seen some of the worst conditions any human being could live in. Maybe because I've seen "actual" victims. People who don't have a voice or the strength to stand up and be more than a victim.
In this great nation of ours, where even today anyone with the right mix of education, experience, hard work, and an unshakable goal can literally become anything they want, we see this growing population of self-proclaimed victims. People who blame circumstance for their lot in life.
Circumstance is simply a situation you find yourself in. More times than not, it is neither good nor bad, it is what it is; simply a situation. We can't always control our circumstance but what we can do every single time is control how we react to it.
How is it a Thomas Edison went through 10,000 materials trying to figure out how to create the filament inside a lightbulb and still had the strength and courage to say to someone "I didn't fail 10,000 times, I figured out 10,000 things that don't work as filaments for a lightbulb" while someone else has one tough situation or failure and sits around crying "why me?" Other than because they're a big baby, it is my belief they revel in pity because it brings them the attention they can't find in a normal and healthy way.
Low self-esteem is at an all-time high in this country. We are the most medicated country on the planet. We take a drug or pay 5 dollars for a coffee (which is ridiculous and shameful) to give us energy during the day. We have a tough day and go home and take a pill to calm our nerves or we take to the bottle to help us "relax". We can't sleep so we take another pill. We take pills for everything or we find unhealthy alternatives like excess food or alcohol or drugs. We take all these things to numb ourselves to the reality of being "us". No wonder we're so damn depressed (don't fear though, you'll find 100 different types of anti-depressants pharmaceutical companies will be happy to sell you to help you with that too).
When did we become so afraid to be ourselves? When did we find ourselves craving attention as a victim? I don't know when it happened but I know we need to snap the heck out of it. This country of ours is going through tough circumstances and it needs each of us to act like the adult we are; to contribute as an adult by being the very best "us" we can be. More importantly, YOU need yourself to act like the adult you are and be the very best you can be because this one thing I know for sure; life is short and there are no do-overs.
My friends life gives of you what you ask of it. If you ask to be treated as a victim, you'll be a victim. If you choose to be treated like a victor, you will be treated like a victor. It is all within your grasp and ultimately you must decide who you are going to be.
I leave you with this short poem written by famed student of success and author, Napoleon Hill:
I bargained with Life for a penny,and Life would pay no more,
However I begged at evening when I counted my scanty store.
For Life is a just employer, he gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages, why, you must bear the task.I worked for a menial’s hire, only to learn, dismayed,
That any wage I had asked of Life, Life would have willingly paid.
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