Happy Fathers Day, Mom.

Father's Day, 1984; I was sitting in my cousin's house listening to the big deal they made about the day trying to understand exactly what my uncle brought to the table. He was a nice guy, seemingly had some role in his sons' lives (all his kids were boys), but for the life of me, I really couldn't understand the significance of a father. He had taught them lots of things but nothing I hadn't learned on my own.
I grew up without a dad. Of course I had a father and I loved him dearly, but he wasn't part of the equation. That's no slam on him. He was who he was and made the decisions he made. But he quite literally was not an equation in my day-to-day life. Mom raised me. While sadly far too common today, back then our tiny family was the anomaly. My mother was the center of my world and taught me everything I needed to survive as best she could.
So getting back to my cousins' house, I just didn't get it. I figured my mom had taught me all the lessons I needed to know about being a man and generally speaking, she did. She had taught me to be a good person, to work hard, to never give up on my goals, to take care of family and most importantly, to love. What I couldn't understand back then was what a dad brings to the table; I believe dads are in the details.
As a father, I often wished the toughest instances of my sons' lives came with a guide. How to stop them from crying when they're babies? Page 14. How to react when they come home with a skinned knee? Page 22. What to do when they tell you about their first love? Page 97. Unfortunately as any parent knows there is no guide, and you wing it, do the best you can, and hope you make more "right" decisions than "wrong" ones.
So on this Fathers Day I sit here wondering what if any real impact I have had on my sons that they wouldn't have gotten had I not been here. Maybe it is the example I try to set as a loving husband. Maybe it is because we are a close family; hugs are part of our everyday lives. Maybe it's the discussions we have about which superhero would win in a fictional fight, or the more important conversations when we sit around and talk about the news of the day and I share my thoughts with my sons on issues as deep as politics and religion, and listen to their opinions knowing theirs are probably in some way colored by mine. Maybe it is even the more practical things like when I taught my boys how to ride a bike or a skateboard, how to dissect a Little Debbie's Oatmeal Cream Pie or Oreo Cookie, or how to shave or drive a car. I guess at the end of the day, I cannot answer what impact I have had on my children. That answer can only come from them. What I do know now, is the positive impact my uncle had on my cousins. It wasn't as obvious or measurable as the impact a mother has on a child; the role of a mother is simply the most critical impact in the life of any child in my opinion. Yet, the impact a good father has on his children is immeasurably positive while the impact a non-existent father has on his children can be devastatingly negative.
To every woman who has ever experienced life as a single mother, I salute you. You kept the family together in ways very few men have the ability to do. Today is a celebration of you just as much as any father. To every man who has stood up to the plate and been the father your children deserved, you are why today is so special.
To my mom in Heaven, Happy Father's Day Mami. Thank you for being my mother and father. I try to live my life to honor you.