The Dichotomy That Is Me

As Facebook would have it, I crossed paths with an old friend who hasn't actively been in my life for awhile. He is a great guy and it was a true pleasure to spend some time catching up. I could hear him repeating old stories of times gone by, the crazy things we once did, and reminders of the man I once was. I entertained the stories and really enjoyed the trip down memory lane but I found that every time I tried to bring the conversation back to the here and now, I was met with the slightest bit of resistance. I could tell regardless of what I told him about my life today, he could only envision me through the prism of another time, and in another time I was a very different person. Hence the title to this post.
As to be 100% sure I was using the word correctly (I have been known to use the wrong words quite convinced I sound intelligent), I looked the word Dichotomy up. "A division into two mutually exclusive, opposed, or contradictory parts." That's what the dictionary says. It is also very much the story of "me."
People who know me today would probably say I am a pretty positive person. I work really hard to be so. Yet, people who may have known me at certain points in my life will surely have a different opinion. In past posts, I've shared that I am not a positive person by nature. I spent the vast majority of my early life as a very negative, angry person. I have visited that nature of mine at times in my adult life as well. I have hurt people I truly loved, failed people I cared for, broken the trust of those I shouldn't have, and at points been overall one grade-A mess. So I don't blame anyone who has known the "other" me for thinking the current me is just a phase. Hell my track record would place the odds in their favor. Yet, what I do know is when I decided to "choose" to be happy, it was a change which was cemented into my life forever.
Friends, our nature is our nature. We all have defaults we tend to gravitate towards. My nature is negative and pessimistic. I wish it weren't but it is. Yet, I choose to be positive and optimistic. I choose to be happy, to have a good day, every day. Is it hard? You better believe it. Do I have challenging days? Ouf course. Have you ever tried to "miss" a challenging day? They tend to smack you in the forehead and announce their presence loudly. Yet, you can choose to react differently to your circumstances, and in-so doing choose to be happy.
I am no expert. I am no role model and I am surely free from perfection. I'm just an average guy trying to be the best me I can be. I believe you can be as well; the best you that you can be.
Regardless of what your nature is, regardless of the mistakes you've made, your future does not have to be determined by your past. Even the best among us has made mistakes. Choose to be the person you dream of being, then go be that person.
There will be those who question you, those who don't believe you, and worse those who will actively attempt to sabotage your success. Finally, there will be those who cannot accept you for who you become. They will try to reason your changes as temporary, will remind you of your past, and will for many reasons (mostly their own insecurities), try to bring you down. No one, not even family, not even best friends, have the right to keep you from the success and happiness you deserve. Some people deserve to be in your present and future, and a few ultimately need to remain in your past.
I know you have the courage to chase your goals and attain your dreams. It's OK to be a dichotomy. Life would be pretty boring if none of us ever changed.