How To Keep Her From Cheating
Alright gang, this one is definitely dedicated to the fellas, but ladies' if you'd like to stick around and hit me with an amen or a halleluja, please feel free to do so.
Let me just qualify this with two things, I am far from the perfect gentleman or husband. Thus my comments are as much a reminder to me as a word to the wise to anyone willing to listen.
Fellas, I can't say my mode is fully scientific, but I do make observations based off friends, family, and those I have the ability to study or observe. In this case, after hearing from and seeing close friends go through this, I wondered what was going on with women stepping out on their husbands or long-term boyfriends. What was it that would prompt a woman to look for love and attention in the arms of another man. I think I figured it out. Generally speaking, it's our own damn fault!
We live in this high-stress, high-paced society. Very few families are based off the old traditional one-income salary household. Yet what I've noticed is while a woman is expected work hard at her education, get a good job, marry a good guy, put her career on hold to have kids, then lose the weight, get back to work while a significant amount of her salary probably goes towards paying a stranger to raise her child (something practically every woman feels guilty for because they'd probably much rather do it themselves in a perfect world), the guy, um, he gets raises, goes out on Friday night with the boys, and sometimes even finds himself a little 20something that makes him feel like he's still the captain of the football team.
You know what else he does? He probably expects his woman to come home after a long day of work, after having to stop to pick up the kids from day care, after having to stop at the grocery story, to come home, make him a good dinner, then clean up, help the kids with homework, put them to bed, and be ready to give him what he's been waitin' for all day. No wonder women have headaches so often at night!
Now look, I'm a guy, so man-bashing is detrimental to me. But seriously guys, help a sister out! I've learned over years of studying the subject, my own personal experiences and with friends and family in relationship troubles, that men and women cheat for two completely different reasons.
Men are pretty straight forward, most of their cheating comes due to the minimal thinking ability of our second head. We want to feel young. We want to feel like that young new 21 year old secretary sees us as the alpha-male we dream ourselves to be (although we're fat, balding, and haven't run further than 20 feet in the last 20 years). A man wants to feel that he is THE MAN. He wants a young woman for her youth, so as to prove to himself he in some strange way has still "got it". Plus, men are typically just pervs and like a lot of sex. So its pretty straight forward.
Women on the other hand are far more complicated creatures. For the most part (and I'm speaking in generalities for both men and women by the way) women really do try to make relationships work. They tend to bare the brunt of the "work" in a relationship just to keep it going, and even when you ask women who have cheated and are remorseful for it, most will tell you the only man they ever really wanted was the guy they married.
You know, the guy that was all about being a team player? The one who dried the dishes as she washed them when you two were living in that first little crappy apartment and couldn't afford a dishwasher? Yeah, the good old days. When you cared about how her day went. The days when you complimented her efforts to cook even though your butt got home an hour and a half before her. At least you complimented her back then.
These days, routine has set in. You as the man just sorta hide behind your tough macho exterior. You don't ask a lot of questions. You spend most of your time in separate rooms doing separate things. You barely touch her unless you wanna get a piece that one time a week, and even then it is robotic to say the least. So is there any question why she looks for the tenderness you once showed her in the arms of another? Is it so crazy to believe that she has needs and hers just happen to be as important as yours? Dude!!!! This is the woman you fell in love with. The one who made your head spin. The woman who mothered your children. The one who knows the real you. Not the facade you put up at your job or your church or your community events. She knows the guy who leaves the toilet seat up, farts just to hear the sound, watches cartoons in your underwear. And she STILL loves you anyway.
Sure that 21 year old makes you feel good. But once you're done with the sex, what is there to talk about? What do you really have in common with a kid? Seriously. Nothing. But that woman who has stood by you all this time? Yeah she might not look like she did when you two were first married, but let's be honest, you ain't no George Clooney yourself. My friends, its easier to blame irreconcilable differences in divorce papers than to work at a successful marriage. But that's not why we get married, is it? Marriage takes work and responsibility, so if you don't want your wife to be one of those who steps out on you, you probably have all the power to keep it from ever happening.
Brothers, be your wives' or gf's equals, be their best friend. Share the load. Clean up after yourself. Surprise her a couple of nights a week by making her dinner. Ask her what she wants to see on tv, and watch it with her, even if its some god-awful chic-flick. Tell her you love her. Call her more often. Send her roses to work just because. Pick up the kids from daycare every once in awhile. Rub her shoulders. And more than anything, listen to her.
Take the time every day to let her tell you about her day. Don't interrupt by trying to fix her problems unless she asks you, and don't do the "man" thing, and try to one-up her every story. LISTEN to her, because if you don't, there's a chance, there's some jerk-wad somewhere in her life more than willing to do so. And believe me, to a woman, having a man willing to care enough to listen is like the fake attentions of a waitress at Hooters to us. Even more than that.
If you truly want to keep your marriage strong and negate the possibility of her cheating on you, you have to put in the work just like she does for you. There is nothing more beautiful than to see an old couple who has made it through the ups and downs of life, together. I'm not saying it is possible in all cases and I'm not saying all the work you do will absolutely keep her from cheating on you. But the truth is, I honestly believe few women given the choice want to cheat. We just tend to leave them few other options.
Love her like you used to. It will always be worth it in the end. As always, I believe in you, you just have to believe in yourself.
Let me just qualify this with two things, I am far from the perfect gentleman or husband. Thus my comments are as much a reminder to me as a word to the wise to anyone willing to listen.
Fellas, I can't say my mode is fully scientific, but I do make observations based off friends, family, and those I have the ability to study or observe. In this case, after hearing from and seeing close friends go through this, I wondered what was going on with women stepping out on their husbands or long-term boyfriends. What was it that would prompt a woman to look for love and attention in the arms of another man. I think I figured it out. Generally speaking, it's our own damn fault!
We live in this high-stress, high-paced society. Very few families are based off the old traditional one-income salary household. Yet what I've noticed is while a woman is expected work hard at her education, get a good job, marry a good guy, put her career on hold to have kids, then lose the weight, get back to work while a significant amount of her salary probably goes towards paying a stranger to raise her child (something practically every woman feels guilty for because they'd probably much rather do it themselves in a perfect world), the guy, um, he gets raises, goes out on Friday night with the boys, and sometimes even finds himself a little 20something that makes him feel like he's still the captain of the football team.
You know what else he does? He probably expects his woman to come home after a long day of work, after having to stop to pick up the kids from day care, after having to stop at the grocery story, to come home, make him a good dinner, then clean up, help the kids with homework, put them to bed, and be ready to give him what he's been waitin' for all day. No wonder women have headaches so often at night!
Now look, I'm a guy, so man-bashing is detrimental to me. But seriously guys, help a sister out! I've learned over years of studying the subject, my own personal experiences and with friends and family in relationship troubles, that men and women cheat for two completely different reasons.
Men are pretty straight forward, most of their cheating comes due to the minimal thinking ability of our second head. We want to feel young. We want to feel like that young new 21 year old secretary sees us as the alpha-male we dream ourselves to be (although we're fat, balding, and haven't run further than 20 feet in the last 20 years). A man wants to feel that he is THE MAN. He wants a young woman for her youth, so as to prove to himself he in some strange way has still "got it". Plus, men are typically just pervs and like a lot of sex. So its pretty straight forward.
Women on the other hand are far more complicated creatures. For the most part (and I'm speaking in generalities for both men and women by the way) women really do try to make relationships work. They tend to bare the brunt of the "work" in a relationship just to keep it going, and even when you ask women who have cheated and are remorseful for it, most will tell you the only man they ever really wanted was the guy they married.
You know, the guy that was all about being a team player? The one who dried the dishes as she washed them when you two were living in that first little crappy apartment and couldn't afford a dishwasher? Yeah, the good old days. When you cared about how her day went. The days when you complimented her efforts to cook even though your butt got home an hour and a half before her. At least you complimented her back then.
These days, routine has set in. You as the man just sorta hide behind your tough macho exterior. You don't ask a lot of questions. You spend most of your time in separate rooms doing separate things. You barely touch her unless you wanna get a piece that one time a week, and even then it is robotic to say the least. So is there any question why she looks for the tenderness you once showed her in the arms of another? Is it so crazy to believe that she has needs and hers just happen to be as important as yours? Dude!!!! This is the woman you fell in love with. The one who made your head spin. The woman who mothered your children. The one who knows the real you. Not the facade you put up at your job or your church or your community events. She knows the guy who leaves the toilet seat up, farts just to hear the sound, watches cartoons in your underwear. And she STILL loves you anyway.
Sure that 21 year old makes you feel good. But once you're done with the sex, what is there to talk about? What do you really have in common with a kid? Seriously. Nothing. But that woman who has stood by you all this time? Yeah she might not look like she did when you two were first married, but let's be honest, you ain't no George Clooney yourself. My friends, its easier to blame irreconcilable differences in divorce papers than to work at a successful marriage. But that's not why we get married, is it? Marriage takes work and responsibility, so if you don't want your wife to be one of those who steps out on you, you probably have all the power to keep it from ever happening.
Brothers, be your wives' or gf's equals, be their best friend. Share the load. Clean up after yourself. Surprise her a couple of nights a week by making her dinner. Ask her what she wants to see on tv, and watch it with her, even if its some god-awful chic-flick. Tell her you love her. Call her more often. Send her roses to work just because. Pick up the kids from daycare every once in awhile. Rub her shoulders. And more than anything, listen to her.
Take the time every day to let her tell you about her day. Don't interrupt by trying to fix her problems unless she asks you, and don't do the "man" thing, and try to one-up her every story. LISTEN to her, because if you don't, there's a chance, there's some jerk-wad somewhere in her life more than willing to do so. And believe me, to a woman, having a man willing to care enough to listen is like the fake attentions of a waitress at Hooters to us. Even more than that.
If you truly want to keep your marriage strong and negate the possibility of her cheating on you, you have to put in the work just like she does for you. There is nothing more beautiful than to see an old couple who has made it through the ups and downs of life, together. I'm not saying it is possible in all cases and I'm not saying all the work you do will absolutely keep her from cheating on you. But the truth is, I honestly believe few women given the choice want to cheat. We just tend to leave them few other options.
Love her like you used to. It will always be worth it in the end. As always, I believe in you, you just have to believe in yourself.
Nice article
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